Following my autism diagnosis, I was shocked at the lack of follow up care, mine surmounted to a text with a link to the NHS website. After receiving such life changing information, it was unfathomable to me that I would be left to navigate it essentially alone. Although I had read a lot about autism and understood the google definition, I knew I needed support to understand it from a lived experience.
Something that I have become acutely aware of in the couple of years since my diagnosis is that 'you don't know what you don't know'! And that certain autistic traits and behaviours need to be gently pointed out to you before you realise whether they are either helpful or a challenge in everyday life.
When a fundamental part of you has yet to be identified, it’s easy to assume that you are the only one experiencing certain phenomenon and it’s put down to ‘oh that’s just me’ or worse ‘I’m weird/ wrong/broken.’
You are born autistic; it’s not a separate part of you. Coupled with this many late-diagnosed autistic women have learnt to mask through shame or trauma, often living with an underlying worry that there is something wrong or different about them.
When you live with this belief others tend to be attracted like magnets- perfectionism, good girl, keeping quiet to keep the peace. There’s also the added vulnerability of being taken advantage of, duped or easily led by people that recognise we can be manipulated.
The good news is that once you get a handle on and integrate an autism diagnosis you can step back and view life through a clearer lens. I was lucky to connect with some kind, professional, neuro-affirming therapists who helped me wade through the mud into a place of self-compassion. For the first time, I could separate who I truly was from the survival mechanisms I’d built to adapt. The diagnosis explained my past, but integration gave me the freedom to actively shape my future.
That support helped me realise that while the diagnosis gave me the answers to my past, it couldn't build my future for me. Understanding why I had spent years masking and pleasing was essential, but the real work was learning how to live going forward. It meant taking that understanding and turning it into daily practice: unlearning the 'Good Girl' habit, giving myself permission to have needs, and learning how to ask for the accommodations that make life sustainable. The diagnosis explained where I had been - now it was time to actively construct where I was going.